Both directions

This is how I have felt lately.  Running this way and that - mostly dropping kids off at activities or picking them up or taking them to the orthodontist or dentist, or shopping for groceries......Does it end?  Ever?  I look at my schedule, and it has been crazy lately - three concerts in a week's time, rehearsals, soccer games/practices, scout service projects, and on and on.  Sometimes I would just like to stay home all day and work on stuff, but even when I am home, I am taking James to the bathroom every 20 minutes.  Yes, he has expressed interest in potty training, and I am all for getting him out of the diapers!  But it is so....tedious.  I feel like I am being pulled in 15 different directions, and being pulled thin in every way except physically (where I seem to be growing at an alarming rate).  And just when I feel like I can't go anymore, I pull out my scriptures and read this:

I am reminded that this is the season of my life.  The day will come when my children will all be in school or out of the house, and I will wish for these moments with them - some of our best conversations have happened in the car. And what greater work could I be doing than shepherding these children and helping them to know that they are the most important things in my life.  Yes, my life revolves around their schedules and their needs, but that is where my life SHOULD be right now.  So bring on the loads of laundry, tell me last minute that you need me to take you somewhere or that you need a batch of brownies for your class project.  That is what I am here for, and I hope I will never forget it!  Gordon B. Hinckley said, "You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make."  I am investing into the miracles that are my children, and I pray that my efforts can be focused in the right places to help them grow into the people they are needed to be.

Stagnant

Stagnant.  That is how I have felt lately.  For a while, I feel like the only part of me that has grown is my waistline.  I have been going through the motions of prayer and scripture study without really feeling like I have gained much.  There have been moments of inspiration and revelation, but they have been much more rare than I would like.  I have been struggling with feeling motivated in my callings, and they have suffered.  I used to plan out my entire month of music, and now I have a hard time getting prepared for each Sunday.  I looked forward to Activity Days with excitement for what I had planned for the girls.  Over the last few weeks due to circumstances mostly beyond my control, we have had to cancel the activities three times, and a big part of me was relieved.

Listening to General Conference made me realize how much I am missing out on in my life, due to my own bad habits.  I set new goals, but they last for about two or three days, and then I get distracted and throw it out the window.  I want to be organized, I want to be healthy, I want to be a hands-on mother, I want to feel like I can serve the Lord, I want to be put together, but a big part of me doesn't want to admit how far away from those things I feel.  I guess that is the first step - admitting it.  Then I can try to fix it one day at a time, starting right now.